I remember ...

Sitting here thinking of the joy you brought to others, the joy you brought to me. I remember this one particular moment where hearing your laughter was music to my ears because besides all the hospital visits with needles and chemo, you always managed to laugh.

January 2011. I remember being in the kitchen with you and Nandy. I remember you guys eating dinner, and of course you were eating your Chef Boyardees’ Guettis and Meatballs as you called them.  I remember putting Nandy in the tub, and running to the room to get his towel. Then all of a sudden I heard a big splish splash, and giggles coming from the bathroom. I ran back to find you fully clothed, in your Dora pajamas, inside the tub with the biggest smile on your face.  I couldn’t help but to start laughing encouraging you to continue having fun in the water. I laughed even harder as I noticed your diaper expanding to the water.  You were having so much fun splashing water with your brother, and the looks on both of your face I stored deep into my heart.

It’s these memories that keep me going. I would give anything to hear your laughter and see you having fun again, Beba. You are missed more than you can imagine. Till I see you again, I carry you in my heart.

Memory of Light up sneakers

Yesterday, as I sat watching Nandy doing his basketball clinical, blinking lights caught my eye to the left of me. Curiously, I turned sideways and saw a little boy about the age of 4, going up and down the bleachers. On his feet he wore a pair of those light up sneakers I remember wearing when I was a younger child. But this was not the reason why I kept sneaking glances at him. Those light up type of sneakers were Nayelis’ favorite.  I remember going to Finish Line at the mall with her. Daddy and Nandy were there too. It was time to get the kid’s new sneakers as they were outgrowing theirs. Well, Daddy was looking at some Jordans for Nayelis, and asked her if she liked them. She looked at them and said, “No, these”, as she picked up a pair of the most colorful Sketchers that lit up when you walked on them. Pink, Purple, Turquoise and glitter all over the sneakers. She was 2 years old, but she knew what she wanted.

Memory of you

Memories of you are on constant replay within me. It’s impossible to forget a being that grew within me, that was born of me, an extension of who I am. You made me whole, and the minute you stopped breathing, a part of me  escaped with you.
I will never be the same person I once was because I am no longer whole. But I can honestly say that because of you, I am a better person. You taught me so much in the little time I was privileged to have you.
I remember your tiny little hands on my face.
You looking into my eyes, as though your eyes were speaking to me. Your little voice telling me not to be sad because everything was going to be ok. I remember that single tear escaping from my eye as I hugged you with every being in me. Here you were comforting me, as I was trying to comfort you. I always said you were special and unique. An old soul living in that little body of yours. You were a gift given to me, and though you were taken right back, you will always be a gift I will treasure forever.